Friends

I just took a dump and the shit smelled like soap... Not a scented paradise flower -kind of a soap, but... Soap. Definitely.

So, for those who don't watch the L Word - there was one episode where the girls were discussing female ejaculation and one of the girls mentions that she "...knew someone who went down on a girl, and while she was down there...she sneezed..."

Well, I was on the receiving end of that. My gf was going to town, and I was getting close to liftoff - and bam! Nose butter all over my girly bits. Seriously - we moved into the shower to finish off and to clean off - but it was uber embarrassing for the girlfriend.

Bonus: I am getting a pimple on my ear - and it's impossible to pop! I am so going to take a needle and stabbity it to death.

i haven't seen this posted here so i thought i'd share it with you guys. it made me sick to my stomach so, naturally, i immediately came here.

http://www.sphere.com/2009/11/06/woman-reveals-health-horror-my-vagina-fell-out/?icid=main|main|dl1|link7|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sphere.com%2F2009%2F11%2F06%2Fwoman-reveals-health-horror-my-vagina-fell-out%2F

(it's an article, so its SFW with the exception of the large headline)

At my boyfriends hockey game today I ate a hot dog that didn't agree with me at all. I was puking moments after eating it. It was a really gross blue/green color(think the color of a pool if you don't clean it). I had to leave the game and go home and I kept puking up this wierd colored puke for a good two hours.
The worst part is that I had to make up a stupid excuse to not see him because I fear what he would think of me. xD

just a small tidbit of TMI for you fellow sickos :)

I have been letting juicy, wet farts all day. I don't exactly know why, I haven't eaten anything terribly adverse this weekend, but they're just rank as of late.

so, here I am, lounging in bed, just hanging out in a t-shirt and my boxer briefs, internetting on my laptop, and I'm letting out huge farts...which are somehow immediately picked up and spread around my bedroom by my ceiling fan. holy shit, nothing like fresh fart slapping you in the face! blargh!

just thought I'd share...it certainly makes me laugh if nothing else.

okay so - i just took a shit and i was pretty pleased as it was going down. it all just kind of fell out of my butt. it stung a little first coming out but then it was easy going. i went to wipe and i looked at the tissue and it was COVERED IN BLOOD. i thought maybe it was my period? no, i ended that a week ago and this was all definitely coming from the anal region. i looked in the toilet and the water was RED - the poop was also brown with red mixed in. i've had poops before with a little blood swirled in that i figured was from irritation (like months ago two times tops), but nothing like this. i would have taken a picture but i was too taken aback by my own shit.

can anyone reassure me that i'm not going to die? i haven't eaten anything strange, or felt any pain if that helps.

So this week's been GREAT, really it has. I got a gigantic under-the-skin zit on my crotch (I've had them like, in my girlyparts before, oh so fun) and after it sat for a few days I tried popping that sucker. Most enjoyable zit popping ever. Now it's gone and I am not hurting.

My allergies have been acting up because of the stupid weather changes down here. Yesterday I was just sitting in bed when I swallowed a huge gooey blob of snot that dropped down from my nose. Delicious :|

Also, someone tell my cramps to stop lodging themselves in my colon/intestines. I swear I need to get back on birth control just so I'll stop having these horrible cramps.

I was recently diagnosed with Diverticulitis. I am on a low fiber diet, well that mixed with my anti biotics...every time I sit down to pee shit just falls out of my ass. Oh and my urine is brown from the anti biotics also. yay me

Word of advice:
Don't eat Double Fudge brownie ice cream with caramel syrup drizzled all over it for breakfast. Unless of course you want your poop to look like brownie batter.

I have the biggest, most grossest pimple on my back where my bra strap lays. And it HURTS!!

Okay so its not really huge or anything but its big and gross and is causing me pain!

The end

You know that feeling you get when the skin from a piece of popcorn gets stuck in your gums? Well, I'd been having that on and off for several days, but couldn't get rid of it. I tried brushing it out, I tried flossing it out, nothing. Finally, I figured it was just my gums being odd and there was nothing actually in there.

Well. Today at lunch I went at it with the end of my drinking straw and finally got something out. What it is/was/whatever, I have no fucking idea at all. It was roughly the size/shape/consistency of a green pepper seed, so maybe that? Though I haven't a clue how one would have gotten in there. It was all brownish/yellow from being stuck in there for so long, but, much to my surprise, it didn't smell at all.

And now there's a nice little hole in my gum where the thingy used to reside. Perhaps a trip to the dentist is in order. =/

Nothing too great, but whatever.
Last week I was at my friend's salon getting my hurr did and I was on my period. I had had massive cramps for like 2 days at this point. So I'm talking to my other friend that is the receptionist and all the sudden I felt like I had pissed my pants. I'm all "uh hold on, I have to go to the bathroom" so i get into the bathroom and pull down my pants and there is a MASSIVE blood clot on my pad. Now I got freaked out because I've never passed a blood clot before, so I picked it up to make sure I didn't just pass a fetus or something. It was all warm and squishy and I'm like mmkay blood clot and washed my hands 8 times. GOD it felt good to push that fucker out though. My cramps were instantly gone.

Also, when my boyfriend and I first started seeing each other, we went out to this pizza place downtown. He lived like 4 blocks from it and it was summer time so we walked. We got a veggie pizza that had tons of green peppers and it was suuuper delicious, however, I discovered that day that green peppers do not agree with me. Afterwards he suggested that we walk around downtown for a bit and I said okay, even though my tummy hurt a little. So at one point, and keep in mind this is a sunday evening in a not so big city, so we're on this stretch of downtown that is nothing but office buildings that are closed for the weekend. AKA no accessible bathroom. You know how when you're going to have diarrhea, it hits you really suddenly and you can hold it for MAYBE five minutes? Yeah, it hit me. I had no idea how to hide it from him, keep in mind this is an adorable boy that I had just started seeing. I told him I needed a bathroom and he said the closest one was about six blocks away back at the pizza place. Fabulous. I had no way to hide it, I had to have epic diarrhea. So I started walking really fast, like a block ahead of him, haha, and i was having this massive panic attack because I was so sure I wasn't going to make it. Apparently walking really quickly stimulates my bowels because it just made it worse. I was ready to just go back into an alley and drop my pants. Thankfully I  JUST made it to the bathroom and when I came out he was laughing at me. It was pretty mortifying at the time, but we're still together so all is well. And thats the story of how I almost shit my pants on like the 3rd date with my now-boyfriend. thnxbye.

Hey girlies, Is it just me or when Aunt Flow comes to visit each month you get epic shits?

I slept in with the dog today. My phone was ringing of the hook. I search around with my hand for the phone but get a handful of fresh shit all over my hand. It was also smashed into my sheets and I also realize that I'm laying in a monstrous pool of warm piss. My fucking dog always lets me know when she needs to do that. NOT TODAY!!!!!! Chihuahuas are rather dense, no? I poured pet cleaner and every other chemical i could find. My mattress smells like a meth lab.

I have bad ears. They build up a ton of ear wax, and it's the moist kind that never wants to leave! So, I ear syringe the damn things out.

I soften the ear wax with baby oil, and a bit of peroxide. 1/2 tablespoon of salt and a bit of warm water goes in, and ear wax comes out. However, this time - I look down into the sink; and I see a very dead baby spider in the waste water. I was very freaked out with that...and actually ended up puking a little into my mouth. Seriously, what the heck? (A couple of days ago, my ear was itching crazily - so I decided to do an ear wax removal...could that have been the spider?)

Okay, so for my AP Environmental Science class, we had to take a field trip to a raw sewage plant. Now, obviously, the mere idea of this is EXTREMELY nauseating in itself, and I wasn't planning on going - that is, until our teacher made it clear that we wouldn't pass our next test unless we went.

The first fifteen minutes are so was not so bad, besides the fact that our tour guide was an extremely awkward guy who was hard to follow. Once he started to take us into various buildings, though, that's when things went from not so bad to horrifying.

The first room was FILLED with little flies. Tiny fly carcasses lay all about the floor, in the grates we were standing on (which had disgusting, smelly, murky water rushing underneath), and lining the walls and doorways. I accidentally touched a group of dead ones on the door as we walked out.

Then, he had us stand SO close to this tank of rushing water, that I got SPRAYED in the face. Not too bad, just like a little ocean spray type dealie, but believe me, it was unpleasant. This supposedly "clean" water was BROWN and smelled of shit, piss, and had little papery bits floating in it which I could only assume was toilet paper.

The final straw was when he took us to the (poorly ventilated) "sludge room", as he called it. You bet it was sludge. Myself and my classmates found ourselves surrounded by giant pools of BLACK ROTTING SHIT and god knows what else. The smell. Oh god, the smell. My eyes burned and I began to dry heave. I felt bile rising, and I had to remove myself at one point.

The best part was when we finally got to leave, and I discovered that my hair and clothes were absolutely permeated with the stench of the sewage. As soon as we got back to school, I got my parents' permission to leave, drove home, and took a long, long shower.

My hair still kind of stinks. This was probably the most horrifying experience ever. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I went as the Corpse Bride for Halloween. when the night was over I was treated to my regular nightly makeup-removal nosebleed... and there were pale blue snotballs in the blood clots.

Fun fun.